I’d rather step on a Lego than spend another day with you.
I hope you get reincarnated as a pet hamster in a kindergarten class.
Every time you take a picture of what you just ate and post it online, a baby seal somewhere dies.
I may or may not have used your toothbrush regularly. And not always on my teeth.
there’s a reason I tell everyone you’re adopted.
you’re the best and worst thing to ever happen to me.
no matter what happens, you’ll always be my most “special” friend.
I still love you, despite your questionable spelling and grammar.
you’re very pretty and it was a privilege to be your stalker.
our wedding vows are still legally binding in the afterlife. You’re not getting away that easy!
even your farts smell like rainbows.
